Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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