We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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