I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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