When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
