found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
