a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
