can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
