just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
