Whod you bang
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
