Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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