you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
