she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
