I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
