I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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