Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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