saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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