Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
