batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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