do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
