Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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