Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
