I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
