"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
