working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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