i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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