i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This is the high leading the old right now
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
