So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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