Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
