someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
