If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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