That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
