I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
