mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
