I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
