PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
