GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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