My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize