Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
birth control should be required to get into college
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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