You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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