i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
