So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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