I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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