Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
