watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
