It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
