WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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