I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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