I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize