It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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