I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Panties = found
Randomize
