speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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