dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
