Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
