I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize