Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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