Will you blow on my dice?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
