I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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