It's like God shit irony all over that family
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
