I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
