Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize