You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
