Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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