i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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