Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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