He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
