When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
