i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We're too hungover to prance.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
