There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
