you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
