Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
