If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
