This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
