i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize