My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
