from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
