god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
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