also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
