you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
