I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
