There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
