Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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