Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
