Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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