did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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