So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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