who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
babies were throwing up all over the place
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
