i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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