ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
