I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
