i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
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