Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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