I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize