thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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