Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
