YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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