All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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