Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
