I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
