Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize