Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
