the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
