youre lurking in front of me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
